a marriage by a court or another competent body.
In lay terms, it could mean the end of a
marriage. Husband and wife saying, ‘I no do
again’ meaning that both parties can no longer
live together; hence both have a hand no matter
how little in whatever caused the separation
(though in this part of the world, one party
usually takes the blame).
There has been a lot of outrage about the
growing rate of divorce in the nation but despite
this outrage, there are people who say Nigeria
might need more divorces. This write-up will
argue for and against the proponents of this
school of thought.
Those for the motion of the topic bring forth the
following points:
It forces people to respect their partners
These people argue that partners, especially
males, treat their significant others better during
the dating phase because they are afraid of
losing them. They usually bring out their worst
behaviours in marriage because they are almost
confident of not losing their partners.
So if divorce were acceptable, the fear of divorce
‘might’ force them to treat their spouses better.
Emphasis on the word ‘might’.
It teaches the next generation that having a
partner takes more than a ring
It is not good for anyone to be alone.
Companionship and love are their own rewards;
and if we are all honest with ourselves, having
that one person that pledges to go through thick
and thin with us does make the journey of life
more exciting. (If that one person is the right
partner). However, some people have taken this
as a reason to maltreat their God-given
significant other and these people are told to
endure because ‘marriage is like that’ ‘ a lot of
people are praying to be married.’ People,
therefore, believe that if there are more divorces
then people would come to realize that it takes
more than giving someone a ring to keep that
person in your life. Hence the future generation
won’t see marriage as a do-or-die affair.
Some people have been known to do better at the
demise of a spouse
Stories abound of people who seemed to have
found their place after loosing their partners.
Maybe because they were now ‘free’ to be
‘themselves’ as their partners held them down.
The Argument therefore is that maybe if more
people worked out marriages holding them down,
the world would get to benefit from a lot of
untapped potentials.
Children (especially of a particular gender) do not
get to see ill treatment as ‘normal’
If more people left their marriages because they
were treated wrongly. i.e, being beaten, lied to,
cheated on indiscriminately, etc. this would send
a message to the next generation ‘such behavior
will get your a** kicked out’.
God permits divorce on grounds of unfaithfulness
This point seeks to pacify the religious folks. One
could also argue further that bitterness, anger
and hatred which are the results of staying in a
pointless marriage are STILL SINS in the sight of
God.
Those against the notion put forth the following
arguments:
It hurts the children involved
They argue that children need a home with the
presence of both the father and mother to grow
up into well-adjusted individuals as this was
nature’s original intention.
It is against our cultural and religious beliefs
Most people argue that God is against divorce
and that in our culture before the advent of
westernization, marriages worked.
If people were less selfish, more tolerant and
forgiving, there would be be fewer divorces This
puts forth the argument that if you want to get
married ‘i ga edibezinu’. Afterall, that’s the only
way this love thing can work.
All men (and women) are the same
Presumably, members of each gender have the
same sets of bad behaviours,hence there is no
need to keep walking out on marriages knowing
fully well that you might encounter these with
others.
After considering the arguments of both sides,
these are my submissions. In making my
submissions, please let me state the following
disclaimers;
1. I am no marriage expert (to be honest, I am
not even married) neither do I have any marriage
or counselling experience.
2. I am not an old, bitter, angry hag; I’m in my
mid-twenties and really love my life.
3. I was raised in an extremely happy home and
believe in the institution of marriage; My parents’
marriage was the kind you see on romantic
sitcoms and my father was no sissy. He was a
successful Igbo businessman who loved his wife
and family and earned their respect out of love.
We lost him 2 years ago, and there was no hidden
child, family or mistress; everyone had one thing
to say about him; ‘He loved God, his wife, family
and people around ( and he loved these groups in
the order stated’. He was an epitome of a good
man and growing up has made me realize how
fortunate I was to be his daughter. As per my
mother, she gives the woman described in
Proverbs 31 a face. Who can find a virtuous
woman? I’ve found her and she is my mother.
So, on to my submissions.
We need to respect God, Karma or whatever force
rules this world
I’m not talking going to your places of worship
once every week and spending other times acting
like the devil. I’m talking about acting in a way
that says ‘I won’t do this, because I respect and
honor God’. It’s that simple.
We all need to know our worth
Human beings are priceless as most religions
believe that we are made in the image of God.
Hence we should value ourselves and set
standards of how we want to be treated and not
allow ourselves be treated lower than we deserve.
We all need to value the other person
Live by the golden rule and treat people like the
‘image of God’ that they are. Refuse to allow any
one be maltreated and if you meet a person with
a low sense of self worth, refuse to allow the
person stay that way. Hold those around you in
high esteem and watch them rise to the value you
place on them.
We need to learn to be whole and complete in
ourselves before getting a partner
Marriages/relationships involve a lot and
wholeness is required to succeed. Ever heard the
term ‘Don’t shop when you’re hungry?’ In
choosing a partner, you have to have truly
discovered your authentic self and made peace
with it before getting married. Note that being an
authentic human being also involves
acknowledging the need for companionship. No
need for this superman/superwoman syndrome.
We need to celebrate the good and condemn
wrong
This trend of sucking up and meaningless flattery
is just wrong. If a man treats his spouse wrong,
then successful or not, he should be called out.
We shouldn’t go making excuses like ‘he’s a
successful man, women are the ones throwing
themselves at him’. We should condemn wrong.
The same applies to good behavior, we should
extol people for treating their spouses with
dignity.Note that the next generation is watching
and in condoning or excusing wrong, we give our
seal of approval.
We need to teach our children the right values
Enduring and old-fashioned values like respect,
contentment, prudence, honesty, humility, equality
of the sexes in the sight of God, a heart of
service and the fear of God are values we should
painstakingly instill in our children. These ‘owo ni
koko’ and ‘packaging l’omo’ ideologies might be
our own undoing.
Let me conclude by saying that I believe that
marriage is a beautiful institution created by God
but it is not a do-or-die affair. Rather than argue
whether or not there should be divorces, we
should spend time teaching our kids respect for
God, themselves and their neighbors while
instilling a strong sense of self worth and
enduring values. If we did these, then the divorce
arguments might never arise because everyone
will be happy doing what’s right.
I hope you are convinced.
